His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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