do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
