Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
