Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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