I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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