We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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