dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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