You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
