My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
