dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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