i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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