Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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