dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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