I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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