just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
