I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
In America we eat man semen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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