she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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