She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
