You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
