Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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