singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand