So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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