Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.