I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow