I should be sponsored by Trojan
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...