3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.