there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
