Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
