benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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