i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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