Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
