Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
is it fun? or sober?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
