she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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