we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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