and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
