Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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