The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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