Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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