How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
