her vagine was all disorganized.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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