she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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