The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am mentally ready for anal.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
