pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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