Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
