if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
