My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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