Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
