Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
