i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
