Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
