Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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