im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
