i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
