The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you had me at cake vodka
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
