okay pat passed out under dana's car
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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