I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
