So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
