We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
