Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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