you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
