I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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