We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
