I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
