i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
