I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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