The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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