my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
