There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
