Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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