Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm like, not good at living.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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