If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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