I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
