I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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