The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
