i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
