Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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