I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
